Alright, I’ve seen some dumb shit in my time, but this takes the goddamn cake. Some absolute madman (or madwoman, I don’t discriminate when it comes to stupidity) just dropped eighty-seven thousand, eight hundred and forty goddamn dollars on a Cheeto shaped like a Charizard.
I’m not kidding. It’s real. Look it up.
A Cheeto. Shaped like a Pokémon. Sold for more than a decent new truck.
I need a drink.
Is This Peak Capitalism? Or Just Peak Stupidity?
I’m honestly not sure which is more depressing. The fact that someone has that much disposable income to blow on a goddamn snack food, or the fact that they chose to spend it on that.
I mean, I get it. Pokémon is popular. Nostalgia is a powerful drug. And Cheetos are undeniably delicious (especially when you’re drunk and have the munchies). But eighty-seven thousand dollars?
That’s enough to pay off student loans. Buy a small house. Or, you know, feed a family for a year. But no, let’s buy a Cheeto.
The Bidding War of Idiots
Apparently, there was a bidding war for this Cheetozard. A bidding war. Meaning multiple people were willing to throw down serious cash for this thing.
I can just imagine the scene: a bunch of neckbearded dudes in their parents’ basements, furiously clicking their mice, desperately trying to outbid each other for the ultimate prize: a greasy, orange, vaguely reptilian-shaped piece of processed cheese dust.
It’s beautiful, in a horrifying, soul-crushing kind of way.
What’s Next? A Dorito Shaped Like Jesus?
This whole thing raises some serious questions about the state of humanity. Are we really this bored? This desperate for novelty? This easily manipulated by nostalgia and consumerism?
I shudder to think what the next viral snack food sensation will be. A Dorito shaped like Jesus? A Funyun shaped like the Mona Lisa? The possibilities are endless, and terrifying.
My Advice: Invest in Therapy, Not Cheetos
Look, I’m not judging (okay, maybe I’m judging a little). But if you’re seriously considering spending thousands of dollars on a novelty snack food, please, for the love of god, seek professional help.
There are better ways to spend your money. There are better ways to find meaning in life. And there are definitely better things to put in your mouth than a Cheeto that’s been sitting on eBay for a week.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go buy a bag of Cheetos and contemplate the meaninglessness of existence. But I’m definitely not paying $87,000 for them.
